So just sit down and listen
Girl you know we've been together such a long, long time (such a long time)
And now I'm ready to lay it on the line
(Wooow) You know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide (open wide)
Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind (what is on my mind)
A gift real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside -- it's my "BLEEP" in a box (it's in a box)
Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don't mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl ya gotta know you're my shining star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' special girl
It's my "BLEEP" in a box, my "BLEEP" in a box girl
It's my "BLEEP" in a box, my "BLEEP" in a box girl
See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin' (girl)
And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you are second to none
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1: Cut a hole in a box
2: Put your junk in that box
3: Make her open the box
And that's the way you do it
It's my "BLEEP" in a box...my "BLEEP" in a box girl
It's my "BLEEP" in a box, my "BLEEP" in a box girl
Christmas; "BLEEP" in a box
Hanukkah; "BLEEP" in a box
Kwanzaa; a "BLEEP" in a box
Every single holiday a "BLEEP" in a box
Over at your parent's house a "BLEEP" in a box
Mid day at the grocery store a "BLEEP" in a box
Backstage at the CMA's a "BLEEP" in a box (yeah-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow)
A "BLEEP" in a box, a "BLEEP" in a box, a "BLEEP" in a box...
SNL Digital Short - Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg - Mother Lover -- 3 min 8 sec
SNL Digital Short - Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg - Mother Lover
Oh dang..
What is it dawg?
I forgot it’s Mother’s Day.
Didn’t get a gift for her.
Other plans got in the way.
She’ll be so dissappointed.
Damn I forgot it too.
This could have been avoided.
What the hell are we gonna do?
My mom’s been so forlorn
Ever since my daddy left.
COLD
No one to hold her tight
Life has put her to the test.
I know just what you mean,
my mom’s been so sad and gray
Word
My dad can’t satisfy her in the bedroom ever since he passed away.
Hold up.
You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?
I’m thinkin’ I’m thinkin’ too
Slow up
What time is it dawg?
It’s time for a switcharoo
We both love our moms, women with grown women needs
I say we break ‘em off
Show ‘em how much they really mean
’cause I’m a Mother Lover
you’re a Mother Lover
We should bleep each other’s mothers
bleep each other’s moms
You’ve seen that place that you came out as a baby
ain’t no doubt that bleep is crazy
bleep each others moms
’cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you ’cause I can’t do it myself
to me you’re like a brother, so be my mother lover
I’m layin’ in the cut waitin’ for your mom
clutchin’ on this lube and roses
I got my digital camera, I’m gonna make your momma do a million poses
They will be so surprised
We are so cool and thoughtful
Can’t wait to pork your mom
I’m gonna be the syrup, she can be my waffle
Show’d up
My mother loves bubble bath with chamomile
Straight up
Give it to my mom d - d- d - d- d - d - doggystyle
This the perfect plan
For a perfect Mother’s Day
They have to rename this one
All up under the covers day
‘Cause I’m a Mother Lover
you’re a Mother Lover
We should bleep each others mothers
bleep each others moms
I’ll push in their place
where you came out as a baby
ain’t no doubt that bleep is crazy
bleep each others moms
Break it down
It would be my honor to be your new step-father
It would be my honor to be your new step-father
I’ll let you do my mother
make me another brother
and I’m gonna do your mother
I’ll never use a rubber
OH
’cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you ’cause I can’t do it myself
to me you’re like a brother, so be my mother lover
They blessed us both with the gift of life
She brought you in this world so I’m a sex her right
This is the second best idea that we’ve ever had
The choice can be no other
Be my mother lover
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Lonely Island: I'm On A Boat - Clean Version
Aww sh**
Get your towels ready
It’s about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fu***** deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfu***** toes
We running this, let’s go
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
Everybody look at me
‘Cause I’m sailing on a boat (sailing on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherf***** boat
(boat, yeah)
I’m on a boat motherf***** take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat
You can’t stop me motherf**** cause I’m on a boat
Take a picture, trick (trick)
I’m on a boat, bit** (bit**)
We drinking Santana champ,
Cause it’s so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I’m flipping burgers, you at Kinko’s
Straight flipping copies
I’m riding on a dolphin, doing flips and sh**
The dolphin’s splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain’t Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I’m on a boat, motherf*****, don’t you ever forget
I’m on a boat and
It’s going fast and
I got a nautical themed
Pashmina afghan
I’m the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you’re on the shore,
Then you’re sure not me-oh
Get the fu** up, this boat is REAL!!!
Fu** land, I’m on a boat, motherf***** (motherf*****)
Fu** trees, I climb buoys, motherf**** (motherf*****)
I’m on the deck with my boys, motherf**** (yeah)
This boat engine make noise, motherf*****
Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible
Yeah, never thought I’d be on a boat
It’s a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon
Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)
Never thought I’d see the day
When a big boat coming my way
Believe me when I say
I fuc*** a mermaid
I’m on a boat
I’m on a boat
Everybody look at me
’cause I’m sailing on a boat (woaah)
I’m on a boat
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the mothaf***** boat (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)
The Lonely Island: Jizz In My Pants
Lock eyes from across the room
Down my drink while the rhythms boom
Take your hands, skip the names
No need here for the silly games
Make our way through the smoke and crowd
The club is the sky and I'm on your cloud
Move in close as the lasers fly
Our bodies touch and the angels cry
Leave this place go back to yours
Our lips first touch outside your doors
The whole night what we've got in store
Whisper in my ear that you want some more
And I jizz in my pants
This really never happens you can take my word
I won't apologize
That's just absurd
Mainly your fault for the way that you dance
And now I jizz in my pants
Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a slut
Plus it's your fault
You were rubbing my butt
I'm very sensitive
Some would say that's a plus
Now I'll go home and change
I need a few things from the grocery
Do things alone now mostly
Left me heartbroken, not lookin' for love
Surprise in my eyes when I looked above
The checkout counter and I saw her face
My heart stood still so did time and space
Never thought that I could feel real again
But the look in her eyes said I need a friend
She turned to me that's when she said it
Looked me dead in the face, asked cash or credit
And I jizzed in my pants
It's perfectly normal
Nothing wrong with me
But we're going to need a cleanup
On aisle 3
And now I'm posed in an awkward stance
Because I jizzed in my pants
To be fair
You were flirting a lot
Plus the way you bag cans makes me
Bothered and hot
Please stop acting like you're not impressed
One more thing
I'm gonna pay by check
Last week, I saw a film
As I recall it was a horror film
Walked outside into the rain
Checked my phone and saw you rang
And I jizzed in my pants
Speeding in the street, when the red lights flash
Need to get away, need to make a dash
A song comes on that reminds me of you
And I jizz in my pants
The next day
My alarm goes off
And I jizz in my pants
Open my window and a breeze rolls in
And I jizz in my pants
When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense
I jizzed in my pants
I just ate a grape
And I jizzed in my pants
I went to. . .
Ok seriously you guys, can we. . . . ok?
I jizz right in my pants
Every time you're next to me
And when we're holdin hands
Its like havin sex with me
You say I'm premature
I just call it ecstasy
I wear a rubber at all times
Its a necessity
Cuz I jizz in my pants
(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants (x3))
Yes I jizz in my pants
(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants)
Lazy Sunday
Call Parnell just to see how hes doin.
Hello?
What up, Parns?
Yo Samberg, whats crackin?
You thinking what Im thinkin?
NARNIA.
Man, its happenin.
But first my hunger pains are stickin like duct tape.
Lets hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes.
No doubt that bakerys got all da bomb frostins.
I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling.
Two, no six, no twelve, BAKERS DOZEN.
I told you that Im crazy for these cupcakes, cousin.
Yo, wheres the movie playin?
Upper west side, dude.
Well, lets hit up Yahoo Maps to find the dopest route.
I prefer Map Quest.
Thats a good one, too.
Google Maps is the best.
True that.
DOUBLE TRUE.
68th and Broadway.
Step on it, sucka.
What you wanna do, Chris?
SNACK ATTACK, MOTHERFUCKER
Its the Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Yes, the Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
We love that Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Pass that Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Yo, stop at the deli.
The theaters over-priced.
Youve got the backpack?
Gonna pack it up nice.
Dont want security to get suspicious.
Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals CRAZY DELICIOUS!
Ill reach in my pocket, pull out some dough.
Girl actin like she never seen a $10 before.
Its all about the Hamiltons, baby.
Throw the snacks in a bag and Im ghost like Swayze.
Roll up to the theater.
Ticket buying, what were handlin.
You can call us Aaron Burr.
From the way were droppin Hamiltons.
Now parked in our seats.
Movie trivias the illest.
Which Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?
We answered so fast it was scary
Everyone stared in awe when we screamed Matthew Perry.
Now quiet in the theater or its gonna get tragic.
Were bout to get taken to a dream world of magic with
the Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Yes, the Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
We love that Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Pass that Chronic (what?)
Cles of Narnia
Like A Boss - Uncensored Version [NSFW!]
Mr. Samberg Thanks for coming to your performance review
No problem
So you're in charge around here, is that fair to say?
Absolutely, I'm the boss
Okay, so take us through a day in the life of the boss
Well the first thing I do is...
Talk to to corporate (like a boss)
Approve memos (like a boss)
Lead a workshop (like a boss)
Remember birthdays (like a boss)
Direct workflow (like a boss)
My own bathroom (like a boss)
Micromanage (like a boss)
Promote Synergy (like a boss)
Hit on Debra (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some faxes (like a boss)
Call a sex line (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a bagel (like a boss)
Harrassment lawsuit (like a boss)
No promotion (like a boss)
Fifth of vodka (like a boss)
Shit on Debra's desk (like a boss)
Buy a gun (like a boss)
In my mouth (like a boss)
Oh fuck man I can't fucking do it... shit!
Pussy out (like a boss)
Puke on Debra's desk (like a boss)
Jump out the window (like a boss)
Suck a dude's dick (like a boss)
Score some coke (like a boss)
Crash my car (like a boss)
Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)
Chop my balls off (like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (like a boss)
Fuck its brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (like a boss)
Crash into the sun (like a boss)
Now I'm dead (like a boss)
Uh huh. So that's an average day for you then?
No doubt
You chop your balls off and die?
Hell yeah
And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick
Nope!
Actually I'm pretty sure you did
Nah, that ain't me
Okay, well this has been eye opening for me
I'm the boss
Yeah, no I got that. You said it about four-hundred times
I'm the boss
Yeah yeah I got it!
I'm the boss
No I heard you, see ya later
LIKE A BOSS!
Just 2 Guyz
"Hi, I've never met you before."
"I know."
Just 2 guys and we're having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Just 2 guys and we're having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
We'll burn the roof off
This party's going off
You think that we're soft?
You get tossed
Guy Number One
I love to dance
My fancy feet moves putting you in a TRANCE
It's a friend thing,
Friends are everytwhere!
In the kitchen, the den
Hanging out on the stairs!
Spinach dip
Real hot chicks
Spike the punch and take a sip
Guy Number Two
Come to chill with you
P-A-R-T-WHY ?
Cause we got to!
I like playing games in the pool
Who invited Steve? That dude's a cunt!
Just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Now everyone in the house say Guy Number One
("Guy Number One!")
Now everyone in the house say Guy Number Two
("Guy Number Two!")
Dude, quit tripping
You're ruining my high
My loaded gun makes you reach for the sky
There's a knock at the door
Who could that be?
Why won't the cops let our party be?
How would you like to be.. shot?
Me and my friend.. smoke pot
No jocks No jerks
Just fun with girls
Having fun Guy One?
"The most fun in the world!"
We're just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
We're just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
We're just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Party over here
Party over here
Party over here
PARTY OVER HERE
We Like Sportz
From shooting hoops to the superbowl
We like sportz and we don't care who knows
Football football football
Tennis
Hockey
Golf
The game is starting, everyone is here
I got my snacks, my friends and a beer
Just two normal guys hanging out, having fun
Right Guy #2?
Yeah Guy #1
E to the
S to the
P to the
N
Is all I watch cuz I'm the man
If my team loses, I'll be mean all night
If you tell me to relax, we'll get in a fight
Watching sportz with girls is a pain
They don't know the rules, there's no time to explain
Single, Double, Triple, Home run
For the celebration, I'll shoot my gun
I like my friend, he's a real guy's guy
He's not a loudmouth like that cunthole Steve (aka Andy!)
Guy #1 & #2
We like sportz and we don't care who knows
From Wimbeldon to the Astrodome
We like sportz and we don't care who knows
Football football football
Tennis
Hockey
Golf
Now when I say sportz
You say nutz
SPORTZ
NUTZ!
SPORTZ!
NUTZ!
When I say cheating
You say sux
CHEATING!
SUX!
CHEATING!
SUX!
I drink whiskey cuz I like the taste
You think it's bitter, but I think it's great
I also drink whiskey and we smoke cigars
Don't believe me?
Smell our cars!
We're real men
and we like sportz
if you say that we're not then we'll see you in court
I'm team captain and I choose you
I'm the other team captain and I choose you too
We steal the ball and we're off to the races
let's scare the other team with our maddog faces like
What what what what what - what
What what what what what - what
We like sportz and we don't care who knows
From the pre game jokes, to the wrap up show
We like sportz and we don't care who knows
Football football football
Tennis
Hockey
Golf
Throw me the baseball
Now toss me the pigskin
Now feed me the rock
Now give ME the rock
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